Whilst some people may think themselves too mature to admit it, it's a plain fact that the world would be a far better, far more exciting place if animals were intelligent enough to participate in human activities. Some would argue that they already do to a certain extent, and yes, it's true birds sing to each other, fishes holiday upstream and monkeys bash the bishop, but we're talking about really sophisticated stuff here, the complex activities that set us apart as the dominant species.
Still not with us? Okay, well let’s say we’re at an online casino like Intertops. A liveried sloth with a thick, chocolatey Barry White accent drives us up to the entrance and drops us off, we walk through the doors and find ourselves greeted by an eye-popping menagerie of creatures great and small; huge giraffe croupiers, smartly dressed chimp bartenders and gamblers of all shapes and sizes. You'd have to be a pretty dull human being not to find the idea at least slightly entertaining. So which animals would fare best at which games?
We reckon bears would make great slots players, and scooping coins from pokies must feel a little bit like scooping honey out of a beehive anyway, minus the stings! There's something oddly heart-warming about the image of rows of ursine creatures pulling levers and watching the reels roll round.
And what about craps? It's a zany flight of fancy but the idea of a pelican rattling the dice around inside its beak and spluttering them out springs to mind, with the bird in question balling a wing in anger and cursing the heavens as it rolls a snake eyes. High roller hippo guffaws all the while.
Now let's think about the hardcore gamers, sat around the poker-table, steely eyed and snarling. It wouldn't be animals playing poker if there weren't any dogs at the table, like in the famous paintings, but there would have to be a crafty fox in amongst the action, bluffing like a demon and rinsing his competitors – he's been practising on Jackpot Capital Casino! He picks up his prize – a delicious chicken – in his mouth and merrily trots on home.
Then there's the entertainment to consider... A showgirl swan trills in a harsh soprano voice above the hubbub of the casino floor whilst chirping crickets provide a nifty swing beat. A world-weary badger watches the performance from his dinner table alone, fidgeting with the label on his lager bottle and weeping silently.
What do you think to our Neon Jungle casino then? Love it or hate it, it sure has been fun to dream it up! Human casinos are pretty boring by comparison...